So far, so good

I have definitely changed since moving to Taiwan. I know I've said this before, but I've had time to think about these reasons due to current events, so I'm going to tell you about it.

There are many reasons for this transformation, some good and some bad, but I'm trying to keep my life focused on the positives because those are the things that keep me afloat.

The biggest way I have changed is that I have learned how to not sweat the small stuff. I'm constantly asking myself questions like, "Will I be upset about this in a half an hour?" or "Can I learn from this? How? Okay, now I need to move on."

I'm the kind of person who sweats the small stuff and that has caused a lot of anxiety and stress in the past. I'm a grown up now, with a grown up teaching job- I don't need any more anxiety and stress in my life because my job and my students already pile it on. Any added stress that I allow into my life shouldn't be there so I'm trying very hard to sort through everything in my head constantly.

I owe a lot of this transformation to the people I'm here with. There are a couple people that stand out in my mind who I have gotten very close to. I can talk to these people about the problems that are on my mind and they tell me, "Don't worry about it," and "Okay, yeah, that sucks, but it's not worth you stressing about," or even the always-necessary, "This isn't a real problem, so don't make it into one."

I need these people in my life. I need that external being saying the words that my brain is thinking. I gravitate towards these people because they keep me level and they keep me focused on the future. Whether that future is in an hour or in a month, it doesn't matter, because it's always forward and that's where my attention has to be.

I think that's where everyone's focus should be, but I can't control other people. That blog post is for another day.

Another big lesson I've learned is to not care what other people think. I know, I know- we're all taught this when we go through puberty, lose control of our emotions, and the other eighth grade girls become total bitches.

But moving to a new place can cause you to second-guess the type of person you're coming across as. I think it's pretty safe to say that a few of us held back who we really are when we first got here because we were testing the waters. There's nothing wrong with that; you don't want to show all of your crazy to complete strangers right away. You have to subtly throw your crazy out there once in a while so they can get used to it.

Eventually you just say, "Fuck it. This is me and if you don't like it, tough titties" and dive right in.

Remember how I said that I've gravitated towards people who keep me level and focused on the future? Those are the same people who I'm one hundred percent comfortable being exactly myself around. I'm the type of person who doesn't think before things come out of my mouth (I'm working on it. In school, I'm fine. Outside of school? No dice). And I'm the person who does a stupid dance on my scooter at a red light because the passenger on the back of my scooter mentioned a super catchy commercial that I've had stuck in my head for the last week and a half.

This is a message to anyone in my life, ever: If you have ever seen me do something absolutely moronic or heard me say anything that makes you question my sanity, it means I like you and we are friends. Congratulations and good luck getting rid of me.

Another reason I had to quickly learn to not care what other people thought of me hit me when the school year started. It's hard to explain the feeling you get when you know people are talking about you but they're doing it right in front of you in another language. It's extremely weird. It's sort of uncomfortable at first. Then you learn to brush it off. Because you have to. You don't have a choice. Get over it.

Other things I've learned since moving to Taiwan:
1. How to drive a scooter- this could use some work, but technically I have learned.
2. How to comfortably use chop-sticks.
3. I have picked up the Chinese language pretty quickly in the last month. Because of this, having conversations with crazy ladies in the grocery store parking lot is not a source of stress, it's actually fun and entertaining! Or at least as much fun as liang ge meiguoren can have in that sort of situation. ("I think she was telling us about her grandkids' ages." "Yeah but also something about our eyes." "And was she gesturing 'Facebook'?" "Did you see her hair color? Could that have been natural?" "I just want bubble tea.")
4. Sleep is awesome. I've known this for a while, but I still like saying how awesome sleep actually is.

I'll add more when I think of them. Time for bed.