Seminar

Yesterday we had our second English education seminar. They're scheduled to be once a month and all of the student teachers get together in a building on campus and work on some professional development. We upload important documents to our electronic portfolio, work on our resumes and cover letters, and talk about issues or situations we are dealing with at our placements. Overall, the day goes very fast and it's very interesting to hear what my colleagues are going through. Most importantly, it's awesome to see everyone again and we treat it like a reunion.

But something my professor asked us has stuck with me. "How have you changed since student teaching began?" That's a really heavy question because all of us have changed; there's no question about that. But I can't just look at how I have changed because I also have to take the reasons into consideration as well.

For starters, I think I have been able to take a step back and analyze situations and ask myself, Is this worth getting upset over? or can I focus my energy on something else that needs to be worried about? I guess the best way to say this is that my priorities have really realigned. In some ways this is sad.

Still being at school has its drawbacks. A lot of my friends have graduated and are starting their lives as grown ups. It's much harder to keep in contact with those who have left Stevens Point and the friends who are still here are just as busy and exhausted as I am. I love being independent and not having to answer to anyone, except myself, but sometimes it gets hard. I miss having the thriving social life I used to have with my friends because I used to identify myself as part of an amazing group of people who supported one another and would have each other's backs no matter what.

Taking the job in Taiwan is everything I have wanted in my life. I'm going to have adventures, stories, experiences, and friendships that no one else in my life is going to have. Friends are getting married, starting their families, buying houses, having babies, and moving on with their lives. I get to do my own thing and become my own person. Right now I'm still stuck in this weird limbo of still being in college but knowing that I am going to have the time of my life doing what I love in a new country, and that this experience is all mine.

The thing I'm having trouble with right now is holding onto the friendships I truly hold dear. I feel them slipping through my fingers like syrup; I can't get a good grip and I'm just standing here watching everything fall to the floor. I haven't even left the country yet and I'm already feeling this way. This makes me terrified of how I'm going to feel when I'm on the other side of the world and a lot of the people I care about are here growing up together and having experiences I will not get to be a part of. I'm going to miss three close friends' weddings in the first three months I'm moving away. Those are experiences I will never get back and it breaks my heart that I'm missing them. But I do not regret taking this job for one second. As a dear friend told me when I first took the job, "The experiences I'm going to have outweigh the things I'm going to miss here tenfold." She has no idea how many times I have said this to myself over and over again since that day because every day is getting harder. In some ways, this has become my mantra.

My friends and family are my life. I love them all dearly and appreciate their differences because they make up who I am as an individual. I define myself by the people in my life. As least, I did before. I'm starting to think that I need to define myself by the experiences I have in my life, and that I need to let some people go. Ever since I have taken this job, the amount of people who have supported me has been overwhelming. I am so grateful for all of the kind words of encouragement I have heard because this is a new and terrifying experience I'm about to embark on. But there is the reality that some people can't understand why I would ever leave this country or make such a daring life choice because they never would. I don't see how those things have to be in the same thought. Support me or don't, but keep your personal choices out of. I've found that when people take themselves out of the picture and just look at my reasons why I want to move, they are extremely supportive and happy for me. And there are some who haven't figured out how to do that yet.

I have definitely changed since the beginning of the semester. I hope the changes are for the better.